Past Lives, Present Challenges

An exploration of the characters in my head...and a major revelation of my first ten years.

This is a little bit about ME discovering ME - WHY I am what I am - WHY I remember what I've been, some of my previous lifetimes and HOW I am to handle and apply all of this...

To me, the characters in my head were a part of my life. Sometimes for weeks on end I would live, breathe and eat as one, at home, the office, everywhere. I would mould my daily life around that of my character's and fuse the two. To me this seemed as if I was living a movie, my own script and I was testing it out.

When I started my martial arts training I was exposed to a lot of other things as well. We attended talks on a wide variety of topics. There was also a large library with books on all kinds of subjects. I live in a country that was isolated from the world at that stage and that had bans on all kinds of information that might actually illuminate you, but here there were books on things I didn't even knew existed!

Now, as you know, I love books and I love knowledge (I moved to the karate farm with 720 books!), so I went into sponge mode. And I had lots of people to talk to. One in particular was instrumental in taking the blinders off. I went out with him for the first six months of my stay at the martial arts training farm. He was quite psychic and could see and do quite a number of extraordinary things. He had one fatal flaw however. The minute you became close to being as knowledgeable as him, he dumped you, because he could no longer impress you! A real Mr KnowItAll! Before this happened though, I learnt about reincarnation.

And voila, suddenly things started making sense!

These characters of mine, they were past life experiences that needed to be resolved!

I was reliving parts of past lives that needed some kind of closure...!??

This explained quite a bit about a lot of things. Things I knew, things I was familiar with. Suddenly I had a reference point and so I could tackle issues in a whole different light!

I still danced in the small space in my caravan and re-lived moments from walking on a tightrope in the circus and doing all kinds of acrobatics on it... but now I knew that this wasn't just me with an extraordinary imagination - I could have actually DONE all these things - it was a part of me - in past lifetimes!

How did you remember? In a dream, a flashback, or during Regression Session?

Or did someone tell you who they remember you as being?

This is fascinating stuff, please let me know, I love meeting people who can remember!

The modern circus...a great example of how to survive into the Information Age and the onslaught of visual overload of the media!!!

My training continued and I struggled with my duties in the kitchen. As this was a community-based facility, the students, about ten of us, took turns making meals for everyone, about thirty people in all. So every tenth day I had to do kitchen duty. Now, cleaning and cooking has never been my favourite things, as my mother didn’t teach me all these things. I hated doing the dishes, so guess what I did the first two weeks of my training? Wash dishes for two week-long courses! I still don’t like doing the dishes, but at least I can do it properly now!

Kitchen duty comprised of firing up the wood stove early and kneading dough for bread. (It took me a year to get the combination of oven temperature and time spent in the oven right to make the perfect loaf!) Then you had to make breakfast, serve, clean up, ask the gardener for goodies out the vegetable garden, prepare lunch, serve, clean up, prepare supper, serve, clean up - and all before eight ‘o clock the evening! When you didn’t finish by eight, you got punishment duties. And the head of the dechi’s (trainee students) was a red haired girl from England – fiery, fiery, fiery! She didn’t like me, because she was probably jealous of the concessions I got because of my age and background, so she was doubly hard on me! Ouch!

And if it was your garden watering turn, you still had to run out and move the water hose in the area you were watering, and remember 20 minutes later to move it again!

Because of the intensity of training and the pressure of discipline with everything we did, our growth was enormous! It was like living in a pressure cooker – a lot faster!

When I first got there, the most senior woman instructor, our mentor still today, told me that she picked up something from my past, because I couldn't remember details about my first ten childhood years, but she couln't tell me what she suspected, I would have to work through it myself.

So when I got very ill and had to stay in bed (in my little caravan) for a couple of days with a high fever, I decided to think back to see if I could remember anything. There must have been a very good reason I couldn't remember.

My father died when I was ten. And he wasn't such a great guy. He drank a lot and didn't get anywhere much in life. I can remember my mom sending me to fetch him from the local recreation centre's pub in the evening for supper. Little did I know what a stinker he actually was!

A little while before I got sick, I helped one of the families out by looking after their two-year-old daughter and had to change her nappy. Something stuck in my mind, although I didn't know at the time what it was. When I started to think back about my own childhood, I suddenly flashed back to my own nappy being changed... by my father, and him doing something else that wasn't part of changing nappies, and involving him cleaning up some blood before my mother came back.

Then pieces of the puzzle starting falling in place.

I think he only abused me on this one occasion, as I can't remember any other incidents, and I think he was feeling so bad about it he never tried again, with me that is! I wrote to my mother afterwards and told her what I remembered. When I saw her again, we started talking about it and then a whole lot of other stuff came out. How my mom caught him with her sister's sixteen-year-old daughter on Christmas day when the whole family was visiting together, and how they handled it- by not talking to her about it, and ignoring it totally! Regardless to say, she became the black sheep of the family, went onto drugs, became pregnant, had a son, raised him by herself, and later became a lesbian! My mother protected my father, not doing anything, not saying anything. I remembered seeing him going into the live-in maid's quarters one day, I was about three or four years old. Now, looking back, I know what he was up to!

So, while I was in this fever, I also dreamt. Remembering, all the way back to the seventeenth century. I was playing percussion instruments in a large orchestra, a fop! And you guessed it, my father (as a young boy) featured as being abused/used by me! Full circle...

It took a while, but I forgave him, and me, and once, much later, I felt him stand next to me (in spirit form - he died when I was 10), the issue resolved and him proud of me, at some occasion or another.

When I told our mentor, she said, yes, she had picked up sexual abuse in my aura, but couldn't say anything at that stage, as I wasn't yet ready then to deal with it.

A major character in my life, just before I started my full-time martial arts training,

was an abused boy.

...he hasn't resurfaced since then...

Feedback is always welcomed! Thanks for popping in!

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